i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you had me at cake vodka
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
