my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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