She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
