Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize