Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Acid is not a monday night drug
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
a search helicopter?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
