the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
