I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
