We're facebook friends in real life
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I smell stomach acid.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
