is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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