we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
