I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
