Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
