Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bring me that man meat
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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