I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
