Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
