Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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