i wish my penis had a tongue
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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