I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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