Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
