Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
