you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
