winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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