Me. At least after what I've been through.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
