You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
