i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
