yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
