He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
