Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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