Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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