I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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