But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
