So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
