You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize