I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
