I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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