my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
