If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
