Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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