I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
