You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize