Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
