I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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