I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
