I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
