I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
