hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
