I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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