Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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