I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
