Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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