you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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