I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
