I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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