So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
