jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
