Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
