I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize