My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
