What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
