So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
