when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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