I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize