There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
