you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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