i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
