His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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